Friday, February 2, 2007

corporate america

for class introductions, my tuesday night professor made us say where we want to be in 5 years. i hate that question, but i came up with, "i'll probably be workin' up the ranks in the corporate world doing HR...but it'd be cool if i was working at a nonprofit in the innercity..." this is why:

-You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies
-Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro
-Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket
-Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um
-You order your business cards in "half orders" instead of whole boxes
-When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie
-You get really excited about a 2% pay raise
-You learn about your layoff on CNN
-Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes
-You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet
-Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined
-You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive
-It's dark when you drive to and from work
-Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else
-Communication is something your group is having problems with
-You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor
-Free food left over from meetings is your main staple
-Weekends are those days your significant other makes you stay home
-Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital
-Art involves a white board
-You're already late on the assignment you just got
-You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"
-Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube and are read only by your co-workers
-Your boss' favorite lines are, "When you get a few minutes" or "When you're freed up"
-Your boss' second favorite lines are, "...this isn't exactly what we need. It may be what we asked for, but things have changed."
-Vacation is something you rollover to next year, or you try to use up three weeks between Christmas and New
Years because otherwise you will lose it, or you get a check for it every January
-Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers"
-Change is the norm
-The only reason you recognize your kids and friends is because their pictures are hanging in your cube
-You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting
-You read this entire list and understood it

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